All Feedback Ain't Good Feedback: How I Handled Complaints & Learned to Lead

This might surprise you, but not all feedback is worth stressing over. Some folks will have a perception of you that has nothing to do with who you really are. I’ve had complaints made against me three times in my life, and each one taught me a valuable lesson. Let me share my journey and how I grew from it.

The first time, I was 26 years old at church. There was an older woman in charge of the kids' ministry when I joined. Instead of welcoming me, she tried to bully me. And what did I do? I fled. I let her push me out of what I knew God had placed in my heart. But looking back, I now see it as a “Character-Building Moment,” as Les Brown would say. I used to dim my light, trying to make others comfortable. But I’ve learned that I’m not average. I’m a tenacious, fearless, and resilient woman. It took time, but I found my strength.

Fast forward 10 years to the second complaint. This time, I was 36. An emotionally unstable employee had been manipulated by another co-worker after I wrote them up. I was furious! But I knew I needed to lean into the lesson. The key? Keep showing up as me. Don’t treat people how they treat you—treat them how you want to be treated. Some may see that as passive, but it’s my way.

By the time the third complaint came, I was calm. A peer wanted to be in leadership but kept dumping their tasks on me. I wasn’t even fazed because I had learned something valuable: when folks attack your character or leave your life without a word, it’s about them, not you. 

So, for all my first-time leaders, here’s how to handle complaints when they come your way:
1. Stay True to Yourself: Don’t let someone’s opinion change how you see yourself.
2. Learn from Every Situation: There’s always a lesson, even when it’s tough.
3. Keep Moving Forward: People will come and go. What matters is how you handle it.

Remember, complaints don’t define you. Keep shining, keep growing, and most importantly, keep showing up as you!