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Since I am a leadership coach I wanted to chat chat about something real important today—feedback! As a first-time leader, you’re going to hear all kinds of feedback about your work and your team. Some of it will be helpful, some of it... not so much. So how do you know what’s helpful and what’s just bringing you down? Let’s break it down!What is Destructive Feedback? Destructive feedback is the kind that just makes you feel bad. It’s mean, unkind, and doesn’t give you any way to get better. It’s like hitting a pothole on your road trip—jarring and not helpful at all! If someone says, “You’re just not good enough for this job,” that’s destructive feedback. It doesn’t tell you how to improve; it’s just hurtful.What is Constructive Feedback? Constructive feedback, on the other hand, is meant to help you grow and get better. It’s like having a GPS reroute you when there’s traffic ahead—it keeps you moving forward! Constructive feedback sounds like this: “You did a great job, but next time try speaking a little slower.” It’s specific, helpful, and doesn’t tear you down. You leave feeling like you can improve, not defeated.How to Tell the Difference: Check the Tone: If the feedback feels harsh or angry, it’s probably destructive. If it’s calm and kind, that’s constructive. Look for Details: Constructive feedback gives you specific ways to improve. Destructive feedback? It’s usually vague and just makes you feel bad without telling you how to fix things. Is It About Growth?: Constructive feedback helps you grow. It’s meant to build you up and make you better. Destructive feedback? It’s all about tearing you down.What Should You Do? As a first-time leader, remember that not all feedback is helpful! When you get feedback, ask yourself: Is this helping me grow, or is it just making me feel bad? If it’s destructive, let it go. And if it’s constructive, take it and run with it—you’ve got this!Keep pushing forward, Roadtrippers! 🌟 You’re on the right path! 🖤✌🏾

How to Spot the Difference Between Haters and Helpers as a New Leader

So, I missed the blog last week because I was at Woman Evolve, and I thought I could write something quick while I was there. Well, I was wrong! I should’ve known from last year that I’d be emotionally drained and nowhere near ready to blog. But here we are.For those who don’t know, Woman Evolve is a movement led by Sarah Jakes Roberts (aka SJR), where thousands of women come together every year. This year's theme was Surrender. Now, when you look up “surrender,” it’s all about stopping resistance and submitting to authority. That had me thinking about what I need to surrender, and I thought, "Oh, easy—my finances." But let me tell you, my finances have been my security blanket. I’d finally reached a place where I was comfortable, making enough to not just survive, but thrive.As the conference went on, every speaker touched on surrender in some way. Then we got to Dr. Anita Phillips, and let me tell you, she always tugs at my heart. She talked about Mother Wounds. At one point, she had us pair up and stand back-to-back with the woman next to us. For me, that was my mom. We leaned into each other, symbolizing trust, support, and that it was safe to let my walls down.See, there was a time when I chose privacy over leaning into my mom. I’ve been through things—abuse, heartbreak, tough choices—and I dealt with them alone because I didn’t feel like I could lean on her. Dr. Anita explained how privacy can be a mother wound: some of us were told to leave the door open, and others were never checked on. I was in that second group.My finances became my safety net, my moma, because they never let me down. If I needed something, my money handled it. I’d even take payday loans or use that Wells Fargo advance feature, knowing my next check was coming. Money gave me the privacy I craved.But in that moment at Woman Evolve, leaning into my mom, I realized that wall of trust could be rebuilt. Finances were my mom’s safety net too, and when she didn’t have it, she’d tell me she did, only for me to figure it out on my own. Just like with my business—I had no clue what my next steps were outside of God telling me to quit my job and start this journey. Now, there are moments when I need my mom, and for the first time in a long time, she’s been able to show up.So at the end of the day I discovered I wasn’t just surrendering my finances—I was surrendering stability for obedience. And honestly? I’m okay with that. I discovered out of this whole experience is sometimes what we hold onto the tightest is exactly what we need to let go of. And if you’re ready to lean into your next step, sis, you got this.

Surrendering More Than Just My Finances

Black woman, leadership and meeting for business idea, planning or strategy at the office. African American female leader in management for conference talk, proposal or discussion at the workplace

Now, I’m not big on moon phases or energy shifts, but there was definitely something in the air that day. I work part-time at a certain store that everybody loves. You know the one. Well, I witnessed something that had me shaking my head—a man, who fits the mold of the majority of folks in leadership, being downright disrespectful to one of my co-workers. And all over a bottle of water!See, in customer service, there’s this old-school mindset that "the customer is always right." But let's be real, sometimes it's more like the entitlement is always right. This guy was shorted a few cents in change and went from 0 to 100 real quick. Now, I’ve always told my team, when someone reacts that strongly, it’s usually not even about the situation. It’s more about them and whatever they’re going through.But let me tell you, this man took it too far. He started calling my co-worker all kinds of names—including the b-word—so many times I lost count. My co-worker, trying her best to hold it together, ended up in tears. I could see she wanted to "let it rip" right back at him, but she kept it together. And you know what? This time, leadership stepped up and did the right thing. They banned him from the store.Too often, leaders just want to de-escalate and move on, but sometimes, you’ve got to take a stand. Not every situation can be resolved with a smile and silence. So, when a customer is straight-up disrespectful and abusive, like this guy was, it’s time to draw the line. Or as a Gen Z queen might say, "Not today, Satan!"It felt good to see leadership protect her. In today’s world, especially as women, we’re often left unprotected. But not this time. And that’s what true leadership looks like. Because sometimes the best customer service is to make sure you are protecting and standing up for your team!Because, “You can’t control someone’s actions, but you can always control how you respond.”&nbsp;

Oh No He Didn't

Shot of an unrecognisable businesswoman handing a document at her desk in a modern office

This might surprise you, but not all feedback is worth stressing over. Some folks will have a perception of you that has nothing to do with who you really are. I’ve had complaints made against me three times in my life, and each one taught me a valuable lesson. Let me share my journey and how I grew from it.The first time, I was 26 years old at church. There was an older woman in charge of the kids' ministry when I joined. Instead of welcoming me, she tried to bully me. And what did I do? I fled. I let her push me out of what I knew God had placed in my heart. But looking back, I now see it as a “Character-Building Moment,” as Les Brown would say. I used to dim my light, trying to make others comfortable. But I’ve learned that I’m not average. I’m a tenacious, fearless, and resilient woman. It took time, but I found my strength.Fast forward 10 years to the second complaint. This time, I was 36. An emotionally unstable employee had been manipulated by another co-worker after I wrote them up. I was furious! But I knew I needed to lean into the lesson. The key? Keep showing up as me. Don’t treat people how they treat you—treat them how you want to be treated. Some may see that as passive, but it’s my way.By the time the third complaint came, I was calm. A peer wanted to be in leadership but kept dumping their tasks on me. I wasn’t even fazed because I had learned something valuable: when folks attack your character or leave your life without a word, it’s about them, not you.&nbsp;So, for all my first-time leaders, here’s how to handle complaints when they come your way: 1. Stay True to Yourself: Don’t let someone’s opinion change how you see yourself. 2. Learn from Every Situation: There’s always a lesson, even when it’s tough. 3. Keep Moving Forward: People will come and go. What matters is how you handle it.Remember, complaints don’t define you. Keep shining, keep growing, and most importantly, keep showing up as you!

All Feedback Ain't Good Feedback: How I Handled Complaints & Learned to Lead

Businesswoman giving presentation in front of her colleagues in office

I remember being written up once in my leadership career. What started as a verbal discussion quickly turned into an official write-up. My peers and I were tasked with overseeing a process for one of our clients, ensuring we were meeting our contractual obligations. But, to be honest, we were doomed from the start—it was an unrealistic promise made by our CEO.In September or October of 2016, I was called into the office and told that I didn’t follow the process, which resulted in the client being upset. I was given a verbal warning. I sat there and just took it because, at that moment, I knew this was a battle I couldn’t win. Fast-forward to December, and I was pulled in again. This time, I was officially written up for the same issue from October. Because of this write-up, I lost my bonus that month.Talk about being mad—I was furious. It felt like I was undervalued and being mistreated, especially since it was my Christmas bonus on the line. But, in that moment, I learned some valuable lessons about handling write-ups and knowing your worth as a leader.Step 1: Don’t Take It Personally Getting written up, whether it’s fair or not, isn’t a reflection of your value. As a leader, you’re going to face challenges, and sometimes that includes being criticized. But remember, this moment doesn’t define your entire leadership journey.Step 2: Own Your Part Even when the situation feels unfair, it’s important to own what’s yours. If you’ve made a mistake, acknowledge it and show a willingness to improve. Taking responsibility is a sign of growth, and as a leader, you should always strive to be better. For me, I had to accept that, in some way, I could’ve handled the situation differently.Step 3: Communicate and Clarify Sometimes, a write-up is based on miscommunication. Don’t be afraid to open up a dialogue with your boss or the person who issued the write-up. Ask questions, seek clarity, and if necessary, respectfully share your side of the story. Leaders are communicators, and understanding the full scope of the situation is key.Step 4: Remember Your Worth A write-up doesn’t define your value as a leader. In that moment, I felt undervalued, but I had to remind myself of my skills, talents, and the impact I’d already made. You’re still a leader. Don’t let one setback make you forget how capable you are. You’ve got this!Step 5: Use It as a Learning Moment Even in frustration, there’s always room for growth. Whether it’s improving your communication style or how you handle pressure, take the feedback and use it to evolve. As leaders, every situation is a learning opportunity, even when it doesn’t feel good.In the words of Viola Davis, "You either have to be part of the solution, or you're going to be part of the problem." Be part of the solution, sis. Handle that write-up with grace, keep your head high, and know that your worth goes far beyond one moment of criticism. You’ve got the power to rise above it! ✨

I Just Got Wrote Up...Now What?

This might sound crazy, but it’s true—sometimes we need to have those tough conversations about relationships. I know this isn't a normal blog about leadership however its about relationships, professional or personal plus it's the talk in social media right now. I was recently watching an interview with Cam Newton and Dr. Cheyenne Bryant, and let me tell you, it was eye-opening. Cam was being real about how he sees relationships and the roles men and women play. But Dr. Bryant didn’t hold back either—she checked him when needed, and it was a lesson for all of us.In the interview, Cam Newton talked about how he believes in traditional roles in relationships, like men leading and women following. But Dr. Bryant came through with some truth bombs, reminding us that relationships should be partnerships where both people support and uplift each other. She said that being strong and independent doesn’t mean we can’t have our partner’s back—it just means we know our worth.Here are a few takeaways from their convo:- Communication is Key: Cam and Dr. Bryant both agreed that talking openly with your partner is the foundation of any relationship. If you’re not communicating, you’re not connecting.- Respect and Support: Dr. Bryant made it clear that in a healthy relationship, respect and support go both ways. It’s not about one person leading and the other following—it’s about walking together.- Know Your Worth: Cam talked about the importance of knowing what you bring to the table, and Dr. Bryant added that this self-awareness is crucial for building strong, loving relationships.In the end, Dr. Cheyenne Bryant said something that really stuck with me: “You don’t lose yourself in a relationship; you find yourself.” And isn’t that the truth? So, the next time you’re in a relationship or thinking about one, remember to stay true to who you are and keep the lines of communication open.Until next time, keep shining, sis! ✨

Blog

How to Spot the Difference Between Haters and Helpers as ...

Surrendering More Than Just My Finances

Oh No He Didn't

All Feedback Ain't Good Feedback: How I Handled Complaint...

I Just Got Wrote Up...Now What?

This might sound crazy, but it's true...